“Learning to forgive is one of the great paths to inner peace” Anonymous.

It has been said that harboring resentment and holding back forgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the otherperson dies. Physics dictates that what goes on in the mind will have an effect on the physical body.  It is also interesting to note that forgiveness is something nearly all Americans want — 94% surveyed in a nationwide Gallup poll indicated it was important to forgive — but only 48% said they usually tried to forgive others. Besides making you miserable and zapping your enjoyment from life, un-forgiveness comes with a laundry list of negative health effects. Psychologist Loren Toussaint of Luther University in Iowa was among the first to demonstrate a long-term link between people’s health and their ability to forgive. In what many call the new science of forgiveness, numbers of overwhelming case studies have shown:

The Benefits of Extending Forgiveness

• Reduced stress and hostility
• Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
• Improved heart function/ lower blood pressure
• Improved relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Improved sleep

Source: Harvard Health Publications

Seems easy enough, but forgiveness is often preached, instead of practiced. The negative effects of prolonged anger/resentment have also been well documented, showing links to serious physical ailments such as: anxiety disorders, depression, heart attack, high blood pressure, digestive issues and irregular heartbeat. Even low levels of resentment and anger can lead to decreased cognitive function and problem solving capacity. Anger induces the fight or flight response causing hyper-arousal in the body in order that crisis may be handled properly. The culminating stress on the body mimics amphetamine intake, which can raise blood pressure, increase heart rate, and depress the body’s immune response in order to focus on the immediate threat.

Not Always Outward, but Inward

The need to forgive isn’t always against someone else; many times the most unforgiving emotions can be directed at yourself.  If we cannot forgive ourselves then forgiving others will be almost impossible. When anger is turned inward, it’s likely to have an on-going toxic health effect that can be even more destructive to physical and mental health. One study concludes that men who don’t forgive themselves on a regular basis are seven times more likely to experience recurring depression. Psychologist Julie Exline from the Case Western Reserve University states that “certain types of people – those with a high sense of narcissistic entitlement – may be especially reluctant to face the costs of forgiving others”.  Un-forgiveness can surface in many ways including bitterness, resentment, uncontrollable anger, the urge to get-even at all costs and grudge-holding to quieter manifestations such as irritability and stress. Many people who don’t practice forgiveness on a regular basis, attempt to self medicate with alcohol, drugs, tobacco or unhealthy eating habits, which can often lead to secondary health problems.

Practical Ways to Forgive

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean justifying the act nor does it minimize the offense. You can extend forgiveness without excusing the act. It’s common for a person to become so preoccupied with an offense that they unknowingly cause themselves to miss life in the present moment. A secret to enjoying life to the fullest is being fully present in the moment, not thinking or worrying about what happened an hour ago or the bills you have to pay tomorrow, but allowing yourself to be completely present in mind and body.  Just “be.”  Do allow yourself to experience the anger without holding onto it for longer than needed for acceptance; however, if/when the negative emotion begins to consume you, you know you’ve held on too long. Realizing that the un-forgiving person is often the victim and the one who receives the most punishment can help to extend forgiveness.  Replace negative feelings with positive emotions and repeat this action until the brain is trained to identify the offending person positively instead of negatively.

According to R. Klimes, PhD the five steps in granting the gift of forgiveness are listed below.  Without these steps, there usually cannot be forgiveness and reconciliation. The results of a broken relationship that has not been healed are often bitterness, blaming, continuation of harm and vengeance, increasing insensitivity, estrangement, hating and acts of violence. 

• Acknowledge the anger and hurt caused by the clearly identified specific offenses.
• Bar revenge and any thought of inflicting harm as repayment or punishment to the offender.
• Consider the offender’s perspective. Try to understand his/her attitude and behavior.
• Decide to accept the hurt without unloading it on the offender. Passing it back and forth magnifies it.
• Extend compassion and good will to the offender. That releases the offended from the offense.

The 5 Steps in Forgiveness according to the Bible –  Ephesians 4:31-32:

• Let all bitterness, wrath and anger
• and clamor and slander (and thought of revenge) be put away from you, along with all malice.
  Consider the offender’s perspective, accept the hurt, extend compassion:
• Be kind to one another, (while considering the other’s perspective),
• gentle and tender-hearted (and accepting the hurt),
  forgiving each other just as God in Christ has forgiven you (with compassion).  

Karl Menninger, famed psychiatrist, once said that if he could convince the patients in psychiatric hospitals that their sins were forgiven, 75% of them could walk out the next day!

Forgiveness Quotes

To err is human, to forgive, divine.- Alexander Pope

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury. –E. H. Chapin

We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck … But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness. –Ellen Goodman US journalist

Forgiveness is of high value, yet it costs nothing. –Unknown

But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. (Matthew 5:44-45)

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and you shall be the children of the Highest: for He is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Be therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and you will not be judged: condemn not, and you will not be condemned: forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:35-37)

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. —George Herbert

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note—torn in two, and burned up, so that it can never be shown against one.
—Henry Ward Beecher

The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and leads to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health. It also influences our attitude which opens the heart to kindness, beauty, and love. –Frederic Luskin, Ph.D

Forgiveness both practied and received is like clear, cool water flowing over parched lips — healing, refreshing and restoring. –Loretta Lanphier, ND, CN, HHP, CH

2010 – not only a new year, but a new decade. Is there someone or situation that needs to be forgiven?  Take some time to search your heart and soul. Forgive, forget, make amends, apologize, restore relationships and walk in peace.  In other words start over and clear your life-slate of past hurts and perceived wrongs. In the journey towards health one should consider the importance of forgiveness in relationship to health and well-being while realizing that those who have health have hope, and those who have hope, have everything.

Sources

1. “Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness” By Katherine Piderman, Ph.D.
2.  “Power of Forgiveness – Forgive Others”
3.  “Case psychologist Exline studies relationship of narcissistic personality, forgiveness”
4.  “Negative Health Effects of Un-forgiveness”
5.  “Researchers say forgiveness can prevent disease, preserve health” By Melissa Healy Los Angeles Times
6. “5 Ways to Forgive: Forgiveness happens in different ways for men and women” By Genevieve Lill
7. LearningWell.org – Forgiveness Therapy

Tags: ability to forgive, biblical forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness and health, forgiveness and stress, forgiveness quotes, unforgiveness, ways to forgive

This entry was posted on Monday, January 4th, 2010 at 6:30 PM and is filed under Emotional Health, Natural Health and Well Being. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.